So I haven't done this in a while. That's no real surprise. I've been a flake when it comes to composing entries on AMM. Truly I'm only living up to the title.

 Every now and again when I stop and take a look back at this site I always find myself surprised that  it still exists. With so few posts and such little traffic, it's hard to imagine why it still persists. Especially considering I don't pay for the webspace, or the URL. Granted, it's not much to look at and there's not much to read, but part of me is proud to know that this little blog exists somewhere. Everyone and their best friend's uncles puppy has a blog of their own so I can't quite explain the pride... I suppose it's just that I made something and put it out into the world.

 From time to time I add a little to it before I forget about it once again. I like that it's limping on without me, and apparently it occasionally garners a hit or two
 (Note: This is not self deprecation, it literally only gets the odd hit or two).

I've recently found myself a single man once again, after repeatedly trying after Everest. That mountain does truly seem insurmountable. But this time around I found a sense of peace with it that I hadn't before. There are no delusions that it is any greater. Those have been put to bed. There is a contentment with knowing that try as you might, it's not what you hoped it might be. I feel that I put in the effort that I could, made what adjustments I could, and it didn't take off. Knowing that I did those things stops me from labeling the experience a failure. It was a search for the truth, what really WOULD happen if we gave it our all? I found the truth. There's comfort in that.

So now what? What the hell am I doing on a Blogspot/Blogger site? What am I writing about?

Well I suppose it's a rebuild phase. Re-define, Re-explore, Refine and Replenish. I feel like I'm searching again, in a state where I can explore all the available avenues and delve into hobbies with manic ambition without fear of letting anyone down, or shutting anyone out.

Part of me is freaking out. I'll be honest, it's a pretty large part. It's clamoring to find someone, to repeat old cycles. To go back to the normal, the comfortable and the easy. I won't make any grand statements about changing my life, that's not my intention. I just want to pause and take things in, to consider what it is I'm after, and then to go for that. Whatever that thing, hobby, person, or action may be.

As always Faithful Few, I thank you for reading. I know this message may fall upon deaf ears and I accept it. This was for me, if you're reading it then I suppose you can share in my self reflection.

-The Absent Minded Man